The First Step

Entry #1

My journey thus far…

I set out on this journey a little over a year ago but it wasn’t until recently that I felt the pieces falling into place.

This is all about where I go next and how I will plan to author my own life simply through being more aware.  I will be sharing my own trials and breakthroughs as I experience what works for me as well as those things that I want to eliminate for my life.  In doing so I will encounter my personal strengths and weaknesses.

Right now, I’m making a concerted effort to bring all the pieces of my life together and into balance as I seek to cultivate a more disciplined lifestyle.

My first success came sometime last week although I am still in the early stages.  I have yet to see substantial results but I have no doubt they are coming.  I have always had an inclination to place my trust in systems rather than people, being the somewhat analytical person that I am.  The system I am developing now however is partly my own creation.  In a way it is helping me to trust myself because it is also helping me to see myself clearly.

Sometimes you make a change or have an epiphany where something just clicks and you can innately sense, this is the missing piece of the puzzle.  That’s what happened to me. I guess you could call it a paradigm shift.

I had just purchased yet another eBook to improve myself.  This time it was for self-discipline.  It was like a self boot camp.  Growing up I always knew that discipline was hard and I thought I ought to go into the army, just for the discipline.  Or even perhaps my parents should send me to boarding school.  Funny thing to think, I know.

Everything leading up to this moment I was wrestling with. It brought me to one very simple conclusion.  I don’t even know why it hadn’t occurred to me before. It was this: I don’t know what I am doing all day.  I can’t control what I am not aware of.  Sure I know what I am doing, if you were to ask me I could tell you.  But I wasn’t present during my day.  My day was leading me and I wasn’t leading it and there was so much that I would do unconsciously.

There is an old saying, “in order to know where you’re going, you must first know where you’ve been”, the context is one of history however and the emphasis is on not repeating past mistakes.  In my case however, I have adapted this.  I realized that what I really needed to start was a re-calibration or a litmus test, if you will.  My take on this is: “In order to know where I’m going, I need to know where I AM”.  Obviously the first step in finding your way if you are lost.  In order to do that, I need a map.  

A map serves as a guide, I’m going to use journaling or blogging as my guide or my means of self-reflection, in conjunction with some other tips I picked up along the way.  The first of which is, documenting everything that I do, on paper.  It has been a real eye-opener.   I'm also scared about laying everything out in the open, even if nobody reads it, there is something very vulnerable about it to me in that kind of public accountability.

As for my destination, that much is clear.  I have a very clear goal in mind.  I am in a house in Attalla, Alabama living with my Aunt.  I am going to Orlando, FL for school.  My classes don’t start until fall but I have a friend that just arrived there yesterday so I really need to be there ASAP. The plan is to spend the summer there working on our career skills and character, and having some fun whenever we can along the way.

At age 30 this will be my first time truly on my own.  I don’t have work lined up so this is truly a leap of faith for me.  I’m waiting on money for gas and renewing my insurance, which I have allowed to lapse.  I will need to register my car here as well.

Let’s see how soon I can make all of this happen.